“Auntie, I think A is cheating on me.” I don’t know how many times a friend, let’s call her X, has written / called / told me about her suspicions that her partner, let’s call her A, was being unfaithful. And it is not something eventual or strange. In the last year she has happened to four people around me and three of them are no longer together.
As data, and according to a survey carried out by Adopte, 66% of people have suffered an infidelity (to Shakira It seems little to me). That infidelity thing happens to celebrities like Tamara Falcoto your neighbor from the fifth already doña sofia.
But not all infidelities are the same. There are one-night stands, double lives, flirting with other people… And for each person, infidelity has a meaning. According to Gleeden’s pan-European study*, “Infidelity and evolution of non-monogamous relationships in Spain and Europe”, kissing someone who is not your partner with your tongue is considered infidelity for 58% of Spanish men compared to 71% of women. Spanish women who do clearly consider it an infidelity. In addition, 52% of Spaniards consider that the sexting it is infidelity compared to 70% of Spanish women.
What is emotional infidelity
When we talk about emotional infidelity, we talk about a modern concept according to Michelle Janning, professor of sociology at Whitman College (Washington). Is about a relationship between two people in which an important emotional connection is developed with someone other than their partnersomehow crossing a line, without entering a physical plane.
This type of relationship is not something that is considered infidelity for everyone, since is based on the idea that privacy should only be shared with one person important if we are talking about a monogamous relationship, not about polyamorous relationships. If we emotionally invest in a third person, that relationship can put the couple in danger. It is a very close friendship with someone of the opposite sex if we talk about heteronormative relationships with which you share feelings and thoughts that you would only share with your partner.
we could talk to you about historically love has changed. Centuries ago, marriages of convenience were normal, but now, and in an increasingly connected world, couples seek in their relationships that they satisfy emotional needs. Hence the term emotional infidelity has now emerged. In fact, María Hernando, one of the Platanomelón sexologists, already told us that “there is a change in pattern, the concept of infidelity as well as the reasons that lead to it always respond to a series of regulations that each culture creates and transforms throughout the time.”
It is important to understand something before continuing and it is that what is infidelity for me does not have to be for you and it is important that we establish with our partner what the limits are. the cookie jarringfor example, could be considered a type of emotional infidelity but in my environment there are people who do not consider that “flirting” in a bar with a partner is infidelity unless it goes to a physical plane (kissing, petting…).
How emotional infidelity can affect our relationship
We have already told you about the importance of talking daily with our partner not only about what has happened to us during the day and what we want for dinner. Also about how we feel, about sex, about love, about plans and also about how we see and what we expect from our relationship, also at this level. A bit establish those lines that we would not like our partner to cross, like couples in the island of temptations.
The sexologist Mamén Jiménez told us about infidelity explaining to us that “there are as many as there are couples. To be exact, it would be necessary to refine even more and say that it is rather an almost personal definition”. Is it infidelity to send a little fire through DM on Instagram to another person who is not your partner? Is it thinking about another person we meet while sleeping with our partner? Or is sex with third parties only infidelity? According to a study of Platanomelonflirting over text is even worse than sex: 57% of respondents say that “virtual flirting” behind your partner’s back is worse than “ending up having sex on a crazy night.”
Although we might think our partner understands that deeply personal conversations should stay within the couple, for others, so-called “emotionally vulnerable friendships” are something everyone should enjoy. It is important that you talk with your partner to establish what type of relationship yours is going to be, advice that I should have given to my 26-year-old self who still did not understand the vital importance of communication as a couple.
The way in which it affects us or not as a couple will always depend on what we have established. If it happens and we consider it infidelity, it could break the couple or if we see ourselves capable, it is something that could be forgiven. As we said before, it depends on your relationship.
*Pan-European study “Infidelity and evolution of non-monogamous relationships in Spain and Europe”, carried out by the consultancy Yougov for Gleeden, with a sample of 6,042 European people, of which about 1,000 were Spanish, during the months of April and May of 2022.
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