You are on the sofa watching The last of us and a silly kiss turns into a slow and deep one. The hands begin to move. Your partner touches you, looks at you, searches for you, bites you, whispers to you and inevitably you end up in bed. But then she closes her eyes, and keeps them closed.
“He doesn’t look at me, why doesn’t he look at me? I’m sure she’s not liking it… Will I have something on my face? I dont like him? My goodness, what if she’s thinking of someone else?” Questions race through your head so fast that you end up a spectator of your own dust because with so many doubts it is impossible to concentrate.
Relax, fewer questions and more answers, science has many explanations about what is behind your partner closing his eyes while you have sexand they are not as bad as you imagine.
He closes his eyes during sex because… he wants to enjoy himself to the fullest
Can practice sex with all five sensesBut that doesn’t mean we have to. Also, by losing one sense, are the others enhanced? Well yes, that’s why closing your eyes during sex is a way to “feel” more with other senses like touch, or hearing, a much more important sense on a sexual level of what we think
You close your eyes during sex because… You are thinking about a fantasy
OK. One moment. Zero stress, that does not mean what has come to your mind. He does not love you less because he is attracted to other people, nor because I have sexual fantasies. He’s not thinking of being unfaithful, or at least he doesn’t have to. According to him taboo project studio52.87% of men and 32.92% of women imagine having sex with other people, and that does not mean that they are going to cheat on us.
The sexologist María Esclapez explains in her book I love me, I love you, that imagination is completely free and that being attracted to another person and fantasizing about them does not have to mean that something is wrong in your relationship. “Fantasies are nothing more than cognitive phenomena that have to come out of our mind.”
I love myself, I love you: A guide to developing healthy relationships (and improving the ones you already have) (Bruguera Tendencies)
One more piece of information to keep you calm, according to the study that we mentioned before, 49.62% of women and 44.81% of men fantasize about their partner. He may imagine you doing cuckolding Or that he’s thinking that you’re fucking on the bow of a ship like in Titanic instead of in bed and he needs to close his eyes to focus on that thought.
This fantasies is not bad, we insist. Mamen Jiménez, also a sexologist, already told us that “If there is a powerful organ in the face of sexual desire, it is the brain.”, and there are people who need to feed the desire that way.
We can invite our partner to share their fantasies with us, but pay attention to what María Esclapez says in sexual intelligence: “do not feel slighted if your partner confesses to you that he has sexual fantasies with other people, but if it bothers you, tell him that you prefer that he not tell you about it.
Sexual intelligence: Practice intelligent sex. Develop your sexual potential (Lifestyle)
Closes her eyes during sex because… she is uncomfortable
I ask you to calm down again because discomfort does not have to be a bad thing. It is true that in men, sight is one of the senses with which they are most aroused. In fact, according to the study Light therapy as a treatment for sexual dysfunctionpublished in European Neuropsychopharmacology, Having sex with the lights on can increase a man’s testosterone levels and sexual satisfaction, but that’s not significant and doesn’t apply to everyone.
Despite what it may seem, maybe your partner is not comfortable with his own body and closes his eyes to escape from that thought. Closing your eyes is a very easy way to get out of those insecurities.
However, If you want to know the real reason why your partner closes his eyes, the ideal is to ask her, especially if the situation is generating insecurities for you or if you have doubts. Talking, also in bed, is essential if we want to have a healthy relationship.
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Photos | Joanna Nix-Walkup, Nikita Belov and sam manns in Unsplash
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