We may think that we know everything about sex, that we know it perfectly how to masturbate our partnerhow to touch it, how to move and ultimately, how to have a religious experience like Enrique Iglesias, in bed.
But the truth is that we can always learn something, and perhaps the method that we bring you today to improve sexual relations as a couple, which is also endorsed by a sexologist, can teach us something that we may not know. We talk about mindful sexbut to understand it, the first thing we are going to explain to you is what mindfulness is.
What is mindfulness
The concept belongs to Buddhist philosophy, although it was in the mid-90s when Professor Kabat-Zinn He defined mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way, as a purpose, in the present moment and without moral judgments”. It is about that through meditation, we try to concentrate on the present moment and state of mind. Thus, what it seeks is for us to appreciate our surroundings at the moment in which we live it.
According to Vitónica experts, Meditation has benefits for our health, but all that glitters is not goldand mindfulness still does not have sufficient scientific support that endorses its benefits, although it is proven that it can reduce anxiety and stress.
So, if we transfer it to sex, what are we talking about when we talk about mindful sex?
what is the mindful sex
Evidently, the concept of mindful sex It derives from mindfulness and refers to the ability to focus all attention and keep it fully on a specific thought.or in this case, to a specific action: sexual relations.
We already told you about how it hurts us not to be present in our sexual relations when we talk about the spectatoring. According to the sexologist Arola Poch, “the spectator is not aware of their own sensations and the sensations of the companion, but is focused on how they are doing it, if they are meeting expectations, what the other person is thinking…”. well with him mindful sexand as explained by Emma Ribas, health psychologist and clinical sexologist in her book mindful sexwe will be able to intensify the pleasure and we will experience new connections with our partner.
Mindfulsex: A Practical Guide to Full Sexuality (CURRENT)
The way to do it is simple: focus on the moment we are in and let ourselves be carried away by the sensations we experience during sexual intercourse. Something I already told you about, for example, when I told you about my experience with my first squirtin which it was completely essential to be present at that moment and clear my mind of any other thought, focusing only on pleasure.
According to Kate Moylea psychosexual psychotherapist specializing in couples, “it is about allowing yourself and giving yourself the time and space to enjoy and experience the sex you are having”, for which it is essential to be present.
Couples therapist Diana Richardson explained in this TEDx talkthat one of the problems in achieving this is thinking of sex as the means to achieve an orgasm. That thought can, according to the expert, generate anxiety and cause a lack of intimacy.
How to put into practice mindful sex in couple
The first thing Emma Ribas talks about is the self-knowledge to learn what you like and what you don’t and be able to communicate it to your partner. The self-exploration is key to better sexbut what it speaks to us about is also slow sexto stop to enjoy the road, leaving aside whether or not to have an orgasm.
In addition to learning to know ourselves, the therapist gives us three keys to put it into practice:
- Prepare the space. sexy musicsoft light, a warm and pleasant atmosphere… everything so that we feel comfortable at that moment and with that partner.
- suspend judgment. It is avoiding what the therapist calls mental rumination, focusing on what we are doing now, not on the washing machine that needs to be put in or the report that needs to be handed in tomorrow.
- Re-educate our way of connecting. The last key refers to the way we touch and feel ourselves, focusing our mind on those sensations and being aware of where we are and with whom, and enjoying that moment.
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Photos | Toa Heftiba, Jared Rice, Andriyko Podilnyk and mimi lalaa in Unsplash
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