Having a healthy relationship is not easy. It is not enough to love yourself very much. Science has already explained to us that the secret of happiness as a couple is not love. To maintain a relationship requires effort, work, communication and flexibility, in fact the lack of the latter is one of the most common reasons that break up a couple.
Neither with you nor without you can my ills be cured, Antonio Machado wrote and Emilio José sang in that copla. And precisely the relationships Boomerang they are something like that But before going into the matter I will give you a clue: they are not healthy.
It’s not a new term like apocalypsing. boomerang relationships They have been with us since the world began, and it is more than possible that you have seen some of them in your environment or that you have even lived or are living one in the first person.
What are boomerang relationships
When we talk about boomerang relationships we do it those that come and go They are those couples who break up and come back as a habit and who turn the breakup and reconciliation into a pattern that repeats itself over and over again. In psychology they are called intermittent relationships and are much more toxic than it may seem.
In order to know if we are in one, you only have to think about the times that you and your partner have broken the relationship. If it’s more than one, we’d be dealing with an on-off relationship, like Chandler and Janice in friends. This type of dynamic is addictive, as explained by Lara Ferreiro, an expert psychologist in couple relationships, in her book addicted to an asshole, besides being very distressing. “A break is very painful and this negative impact on your head and your brain over and over again do a lot of damage as they are intermittent loops.”
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If you think about how difficult it is to break up with someone, for many tips to get over a break up that we give you, imagine how complicated it is to repeat the dynamic over and over again. In fact, according to an article in Monk et al. Posted in Family Relations, on-off relationships are associated with anxiety and depression. Analyzing the data extracted from the study, “the more frequently participants broke up and got back together, the more symptoms of distress they reported at baseline and over time.” Those who had repeatedly broken up and reconciled with their partner “reported more symptoms of distress psychology during the 15-month period.
These repetitive transitions in a relationship can decrease our satisfaction as a couple in addition to causing the anguish that we talked about before, and even create a feeling of chaos, instability and uncertainty.
What to do if I’m in a boomerang relationship
That is why it is important that, if we are in that situation, we analyze well the reason for so many comings and goings, since it usually implies that this couple has conflicts without resolving. Lara Ferreiro explains that ‘on-off’ couples should think about whether they have an intractable problem and if they do, “try to solve it as soon as possible to leave so many ruptures that wear down the relationship.”
we may be stuck in a relationship by dependency, fear to loneliness, and even because of the fear of the uncertainty of what could happen if we are alone or with another person. For whatever reason, we can seek professional help and find out if the time has come or not to leave the relationship.
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