The dr. Cortney S. Warren is a psychologist and graduated from Harvard University, and says that “a sense of self-confidence makes us better able to navigate conflict and be vulnerable with others, mainly because confident people do not seek external validation.”
It is she who gives us nine phrases that people say with confidence and self-assurance, and that we can incorporate from now on into our communication.
No
This phrase, which is more of a word, is what refers to the assertiveness and the ability to set limits that self-confident people have. In the book when I say no, I feel guiltyby Manuel J. Smith, explores how saying “no” is key to interpersonal relationships and its importance in a assertive communication at workFor example.
When I say no, I feel guilty (Key)
It doesn’t need to be an outright no, we can use it for example to reject a plan in this way “I’m sorry, but I can’t help with that because I have other commitments” or “Thanks for the offer, but that’s not something I want to do ”.
I don’t feel comfortable with it
Continuing with the assertiveness, trusting people are able to communicate their needs respectfullyas we would do when talking about affective responsibility. The same happens when they feel that someone treats them badly, using phrases like “When you say things like that, I feel hurt and angry” or even “If you treat me like this, I will walk away because it is not healthy for me”.
let me think about that before answering
As the psychologist explains, people with confidence they choose their responses and are not impulsive, so this would be one of the phrases that would come out of his mouth. If we’re talking about relationships, you might express it with “I’m really frustrated and I need some time to myself. I don’t want to say something I might regret later” and in other settings they might use the phrase “I don’t have an answer right now. Can we resume this conversation tomorrow?”
i will work on it
A self-confident and emotionally secure person knows that in relationships an effort is necessary and that it is normal for our actions to affect others. That’s why I would use phrases like “I understand this is important to you, so I’ll work on being more understanding when I talk to you” or “I’m not good at this, but I’m going to work on it to get better.”
This is who I am and I’m proud of it.
A self-confident person is, in the words of the psychologist, someone consistent in the way they handle themselves in the world. It is not strange then that phrases like “What you see is what you get” are part of his life.
I’m like this?
Emotionally secure people are able to listen to criticism without lashing out at it. Learn to deal with criticism and prevent it from affecting our self-esteem It is something they know how to do, listening to the comments without thinking that they are attacks on their person. “I didn’t realize I do that so often. Thank you for telling me”, is an example of accepting a criticism that helps us improve.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. How can I help you?
“I see that this is difficult for you, but you have my support”, is something that one empathic person would say to another. Empathy is much more than putting yourself in the other person’s placebut it is also a characteristic that we can cultivate by asking more questions or accepting the emotions of others without judging them, as explained by Iria Reguera, psychologist and editor in chief of Trendencias.
this matters to me
Having a solid belief system is key to being emotionally secure because it guides our decisions and choices in life, as the Harvard expert assures, and They are able to analyze what is moral and fair according to their criteria and communicate it for example with a “I don’t think you’re acting ethically, and I can’t see it happen without standing up for what I think is humane.”
I’ll try
A person himself knows that failure is a way of learning. John Maxwell, leadership expert, explains this in detail in the book The positive side of failure: how to turn mistakes into bridges to success? and a self-confident person is capable of turning failure into a positive value in any area of his life.
The silver lining of failure: How to turn mistakes into bridges to success
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Photos | Jens Lindner, Jade Destiny, alysha rosely and Toa Heftiba in Unsplash
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