There are almost as many love songs as heartbreak. In fact, the second is a recurring theme in music because it is something that we have all experienced at some time in our lives. The bachata by Manuel Turizo, for example (which I admit to having listened to in a loop as a method to get over a break up) is a heartbreak song. EITHER Cupid from tiniwho wonders “what happened to us”.
In fact, if Tini were to think, perhaps she would find one or more reasons why we went from “we loved each other so much and now we don’t”, as her song says. And she has her answer psychology, which explains the reasons why we fell out of love and the relationship ends in breakup.
The most common reasons why we fall out of love
Before going into the subject I want to clarify something so that it does not lead to errors. This list does not include all the reasons why a couple can break up. In my case, for example, my last breakup was the result of an infidelity on the part of my partner.
There are other cases in which relationships end due to toxic behavior or even for lack of sexand although psychology delves into some of the reasons that may have led to the breakup and heartbreak (or vice versa), each couple is a world and the reasons why love ends, too.
There are communication problems
According to Dr. Barton Goldsmithfamily and couples therapist, Lack of communication is one of the reasons that cause heartbreak. In fact, talking daily with our partner about what is happening in the relationship is more important than it seems. Not only when we talk about arguments. As Iria Reguera, psychologist and editor-in-chief of Trendencias, explains, “in any couple there are going to be things we don’t like, aspects we don’t agree on and misunderstandings.” Talking about it is essential to prevent us from emotionally distancing ourselves by speaking.
The monotony drowns us
Arturo Torres, psychologist and sociologist, explains that monotony is one of the reasons that love ends. “If it appears in the context of a romantic relationship, the feeling that nothing is going to get better and that boredom is part of the “contract” that unites these two people becomes very evident”, even to the point that the relationship disenchants us . In fact if we listen to the song Monotony of Shakira, we can see it clearly.
There are individual changes and lack of compatibility
Science has already told us that love is not enough to be happy as a couple. It is possible that years ago we both had the same life goals and that over the years not only we have changed, but also these. It’s like the ways separate as a couple. In fact, Sharing values and beliefs is something that the longest lasting couples have in commonand if that changes, love can fade by not having so much in common with the other person.
The psychologist María Esclapez dismantles the myth of romantic love that “if you feel jealous it is because you care about me”, in her book I love me, I love youand in fact Jealousy is a compelling reason that can cause love to end because it wears out the relationship in the words of the expert.
I love myself, I love you: A guide to developing healthy relationships (and improving the ones you already have) (Bruguera Tendencies)
Marriage arguments increase
It is a compelling reason, especially if these discussions, normal in any relationship, are not managed correctly. The psychologist Mamen Jiménez explains that It is normal to argue as a couplebut an excess of these can cause love to deteriorate until it is lost.
There is a lack of respect and trust
The experts in Psythesis Psychology explain to us that love can end when “there is no more respect and trust towards the other”. In fact, if we want any relationship to last over time, it is essential that respect is not lost, something that we will achieve if we work properly affective responsibility.
We idealize our partner and the relationship
If there is no acceptance that the couple has strengths and limitations, and what we do is idealize her, we run the risk of falling in love when we realize that she is not what we thought, as explained by Esclapez. The same happens with the idea that we have of our relationship, if it is not realistic and we believe that it is something that it is not, when we discover the truth we will be disappointed. Castles in the air do not work in relationships.
We do not take care of our partner or their needs
AND We not only talk about the needs of our partner but our own. When we stop caring for the person next to us, and we ignore their needs and ours. Silvia Vidala forensic psychologist, tells us that “choosing you is not an act of selfishness. It is an act of self-love.” We have to take care of ourselves to take care of ourselves, and if that is lost, we have a problem.
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Photos | Story of a marriage (Netflix)
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