Helen Fisher is 77 years old, is an anthropologist, biologist and researcher of human behavior at Rutgers University. And most importantly: take 30 years studying romantic love from a scientific point of view.
Created a personality test that became quite a discovery and that he identified four types, relating each one to a neurotransmitter or a hormone: explorer, director, negotiator and builder. It is the only one in the world based on biology and validated by two experiments in the brain, and it was the reason why she was hired at Match Group as a scientific adviser.
If we have to trust anyone to tell us how to find love on places like Tinder, it’s her. Even more so after knowing that one of his latest studies It affirms what has already appeared in a scientific article from the University of Chicago: people who meet online divorce less.
She is the one who has given us 5 tips to find a partner on dating apps and most importantly: make it last.
Less is more
Drowning in quotes is just what we should avoid. Fisher explains that “our brains are not set up to choose between more than nine options,” so the number she recommends is to meet between 5 and 9 people, no more. And he points out the importance of seeing oneself, since “the human brain is designed to observe the whole body” and is capable of seeing in a smile or a gesture what we could not see only with a WhatsApp conversation.
Dig deep into relationships
Psychology has shown, in the words of Fisher, that the more you know someone, the more you like them, so continuing to meet more and more people without going deeper will not bring us anything at all. If you want to find a partner, you need to know more to that first selection that we will make according to what we are looking for in a couple. Once the first contact with those five people is established, close the application and focus on them.
Say yes
It is possible that we are meeting someone and we tend to say no for biological reasons. Helen Fisher explains that much of the brain is linked to the negativity bias. “We remember the negative because for millions of years, that was adaptive.” The negative kept us alive, but in the 21st century we can be more permissive. It doesn’t mean you do like Jim Carrey and say yes to everythingrather don’t say no to everything. And a bonus: chemistry isn’t that important, just part of falling in love. If you’re having fun, continue to meet that person.
You think dating has changed, and accept it
Obviously dating when my parents met is not the same as dating now that dating apps are all around us. And although we can do as generation Z and hook up again in bars, It’s not a bad thing to give technology a try..
Not everyone on Tinder is looking for sex: open your mind
Friends with benefits, that term that we think will be the only thing that can come out of Tinder is actually a mistake according to the anthropologist. Not the concept itself, but the fact that people on Tinder are just looking for sex. “34% of singles have had sex with someone before the first serious date. I think it is a sex interview“, it states.
But it crushes us with one more piece of information resulting from years of research, who claims no one buys it: “Men are three times more likely to have a fling hoping it turns into a relationship. I’ve said for 40 years that men fall in love more often, faster. They want to introduce the other person to friends and family sooner. They want to move before the women.” Thinking that dating apps are just for having sex will make us prejudge and have a less open mind when it comes to meeting someone.
Photos | My friends’ girlfriends, Say yes, Kiki love is made
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