Lately, I feel like I’m living in an infinite loop: I’m surrounded by amazing women and it seems like what’s going on in their lives is never enough. Stress and pressure for maximum productivity leads us to have a thousand activities a week (in addition to managing the weight of a house) and to spend endless hours at work to, in the end, feel that something is not quite right.
Negative self-criticism (not positive, there is a difference between the two concepts) is the order of the day. According to the IEPP, positive self-criticism is one that “constructively […] the one that makes us move forward, learn from mistakes, improve and ultimately pushes us to grow”. On the other hand, negative self-criticism is “the one that it blocks us, paralyzes us and does not let us move forwardIt is useless and serves absolutely no good.” In this way, we know the difference between what aspects divide a healthy behavior with ourselves from a harmful one.
The best thing to do when we feel that our mental health is not at its best is to go to a specialist. The expert will know what type of therapy is the most indicated for each case. In addition to this, there are endless books written by psychology teachers that can also be of help. One of them is ‘The Self-Talk Workout’, which came into our lives just a couple of months ago.
The Self-Talk Workout: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Dissolve Self-Criticism and Transform the Voice in Your Head
In it, Rachel Goldsmith Turow (a psychotherapist and research scientist, among others) talks about self-demand, negative self-criticism and anxiety generated by “not being enough” and offers several strategies that we can apply in our day to day to notice progress in the relationship with ourselves, which is the most important we will ever have.
The experiences recounted in his book come from the reflections of the students to whom he taught psychology classes at Seattle University. So there is a practical basis among so much theory.
Among all the tips that she shares in her book, Goldsmith herself has published an article in Greater Good Magazine in which she allows us to discover some of the techniques that she develops in depth in ‘The Self-Talk Workout’ and they are the following.
Value the successes
The psychologist recommends that we focus on what has been done, not on what is yet to be done. For example, many of us tend to have a list of “things I have to do today”, but not of “what I have already accomplished”. The first concrete piece of advice from her is write 10 things you have done today that have been helpful for your life, for another person or for the world. Rachel calls it “spotting success.”
He also comments that “it is about appreciation, not evaluation. The goal is not to evaluate how much you have done or how well you have done it, but rather to nurture gratitude for every positive action.”
In the psychologist’s experience, this technique “helps to do more, because it can generate feelings of encouragement and drive.” It also “helps to relax, since recognize positive actions It shows that, in fact, you have done enough.”
Take the step before thinking about it too much
Now, it’s time to talk about motivation. Many people tend to think before acting when they want to do something. First, they spend time finding the motivation to go to the gym. Then they go The key is to do it the other way around, practice sports first and thus you will find the motivation behind the positive emotions that this activity entails.
The expert points out that “this technique is called behavior activation– Participate in planned activities that align with your goals and values, even if you don’t feel like it at the time. Behavioral activation is an effective treatment for depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (at least as effective as antidepressant medication or cognitive therapy).”
Small goal, big win
This advice is easy to apply and makes a lot of sense when you think about it a couple of times. On some occasions, we tend to think of a large format goal (for example, tidying up the house), when achieving it completely is easier if we divide it into mini tasks (for example, put away the clothes that run through the room first, put the cutlery in your drawer and then focus on the dishes).
Professional organizers Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin detail that “identifying a small, manageable goal builds confidence and makes you less likely to feel overwhelmed and give up.” To this, we add that “a study found that dividing “big tasks” into “micro tasks” resulted in people doing higher quality work, being more resistant to interruptions and finding them easier than “big tasks”” . You knowA little and simple is better than a lot and “impossible”.
Being present is essential
Having so many stimuli around us, it is normal for us to throw out the trash talking to our mother on the phone, to go shopping thinking about what work meetings we have the next day or not to enjoy the shower because we have in mind that we should do the laundry right after. . with this attitude we downplay daily tasks that are more important than we think.
“Increasing mindfulness in daily activities can strengthen your sense of productivity,” Rachel explains. To this information, he adds that “because people who practice mindfulness tend to have clearer values and be less critical, you may also find that you are less likely to judge yourself based on how much you have achieved” .
His final advice on the matter says this: “Whatever practice works for you, remember that you have the ability to change the thoughts that say you are not doing enough. By repeating this technique for a few minutes each day, you can cultivate an inner capacity for appreciation, drive and productivity”. Every grain of sand counts.
Difference enough with uppercase or lowercase “s”
At this point we need to dig a little deeper. Goldsmith Turow divides “enough” from “Enough.” The difference lies in what can be achieved and what is practically impossible. The expert defines “Enough” as each pending task or objective that we have, in addition to work. Wow, stuff to get to is superheroine.
On the contrary, Talking about “enough” and knowing one’s limits denotes “active commitment to goals and activities”. We read that “researchers have noted that while unfinished tasks can lead to sleep problems, making a specific plan to tackle doable tasks can reduce intrusive thoughts and loss of attention.” Also, we must always keep in mind that nutrition, activity levels, substance use and stress are also related to productivity.
“The inability to do ‘Enough’, that is, to finish all tasks regularly, could reflect a basic existential challenge. Accepting the difficulty of that feeling as a human problem, instead of seeing it as your own problem, can make it more bearable.
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