When we end a relationship and considerable time passes, on certain occasions you may have the desire to know what would have happened if the story never endedknow if your ex deserves a second chance or if the same thing would happen again as that time and we would make exactly the same decisions (rights and wrongs included).
The truth is that breaking up doesn’t always mean breaking up foreverJennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s wedding They are the perfect example of it. They broke up and each one made his life, got married and had their respective children. Now, 20 years later, they have decided to give their story a second chance and are already married and remarried.
What the experts say about getting back together with your ex
Ultimately, the passage of time can be a drawback or an advantage, depending on how it is analyzed. We talked to a psychologist to analyze these pros or cons and see if sequels can definitely be good.
“For so many years, people grow, change, mature and they can become a totally different person (which means in many cases an advantage). With which, when they meet at the right time, they can come together again and last over time” – Cristina Pérez, director of the Siquia team of psychologists.
The expert warns that what may not change for so many years is the affection that you feel for the other person: “If it has been an intense, beautiful and healthy relationship, it is difficult to forget it”. Especially if you know how to have a good breakup and respect each other in the process.
Four disadvantages of getting back with your ex
1. Things may have changed
The years have passed for both of you and you have both changed during this period. However, beyond the reasons for the separation, the The other person’s personality may have changed and may no longer fit with you.
After leaving the relationship, it may happen that the return is no longer the same. In addition, the reason for the breakup plays an important role and if we do not have good communication as a couple, it is impossible to consider anything.
It can be an advantage if we raise it thinking you have “corrected” some behavior over the years, but it is quite normal to idealize the love that was and that we think will be the same 20 years later… and it is not always so.
2. It prevents you from continuing
The expert points out: “If you have tried to maintain the relationship with that person, but it has not worked, perhaps you have to recognize when to let go.” Repeating the same failed decision prevents you from continuing and growing in the life.
Also, emphasize that insisting on returning to a past relationship when it did not work may mean that you need new companies. and get out of your comfort zone not to return to distant times. It is important to know and listen to each other to know when you are ready to have a new relationship.
3. Damage can be higher
Getting back with your ex sometimes means revive and open old wounds from the past to which new conflicts can be added. “The ball can be made even bigger and the result will be worse than the previous one. If you suffered when the relationship ended, now the damage may be even greater by including more reasons or more illusion deposited,” Cristina Pérez details.
4. Grudges are usually present
Depending on the problem that separated you, you may never get over what happened: “If the cause was infidelity, not everyone knows how to forgive cheating. If rancor is present during the new relationship opportunity, it is difficult for the ending to be happy“.
Four advantages of getting back with your ex
1. You already know each other
One of the advantages and positive aspects of getting back together with your ex-partner is that you already know each other and there is a sex-affective connection between you: “If you want to get back together with your ex, it is because they have positive qualities that you want to have in your life again. However, at the time of reconciliation it is important work on the negative aspects that separated you at that time”.
2. Learn from mistakes together
Conflicts are common in the couple relationship. However, everything can be solved with dialogue, respect and trust.
“Being a couple again after a long time means adapt again to each other and discover new aspects that have changed over the years. At this time you have to know how to mature and learn from mistakes together, “she warns.
3. You may be closer
It may happen that after leaving it you you have missed each other and realized how important you are to each otherdespite having spent so many years: “Getting back together can mean that you are closer than before”.
4. If you have children in common it can be good for them
If in the relationship you had years ago you had children, coming back after many years can be good for them. It is important to know how to focus on this aspect and treat it well, since it can be a big change for themeven if they are older.
“Explain to them what happened, the reasons for your reunion and future plans, because they are also concerned about this relationship,” settles the expert.
Second parts may not be good… or yes
Pérez clarifies that, after a long time, people have changed a lot so that what in the past was a source of conflict may no longer be so in the present: “The evolution of life and motivations they are the ones that mark the viability of the relationship, as well as whether the misgivings of the past are overcome”. Second parts may not be good… or yes.
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