We all have a friend who, despite being absolutely wonderful, has a lot of difficulty finding a partner. She is single, and we are not talking about voluntary singleness, but involuntary. Someone who wants a partner and doesn’t get it. A person who, without knowing why, does not find romantic relationships that fit in her life.
Science may say that being single is better than being in a relationship, but that friend of yours wants to have a relationship and share her life with someone other than her family or friends. She does not feel alone, because we have already explained to you that romantic love is not the antithesis of lonelinessbut he would like to have a partner and no matter how hard he tries, there is no way.
Well, science has something to say to that friend: the real reason why it is difficult for you to find a partner is not you, it is your social context.
How contemporary society prevents us from finding a partner
Maybe you are a victim of ground hoggingyou are tired of Tinder and have decided to return to flirt in bars like generation Z or you have had the bad luck that only cretins, narcissists and misogynists have crossed your path (here we tell you how to easily recognize them so that it doesn’t happen to you again).
Maybe it’s hard for you to date or go deeper into them, or you can’t find a partner even in the best cities to flirt. Or simply your genes are prepared to find a partner in this type of society.
Dr. Theresa DiDonato explained it in PsychologyToday“the mating abilities that humans have acquired through evolution may not work in modern times.”
In fact, according to recent scientific research, there are considerable deficits in the so-called “mating performance” that have little to do with flirting qualities. Knowing how to flirt, flirt or have a lot of emotional intelligence is not linked, surprisingly enough, with the fact of getting or keeping a partner according to the study findings. What is the same: what prevents you from finding a partner may not be you, but your social context.
According to the survey conducted, 48% confessed that starting a relationship was a challenge for them, and once in a relationship, more than 30% of those surveyed stated that their relationships were bad. The researchers also determined that 1 in 4 people claimed to have problems being in a relationship.
If we look at modern society and compare it with that of our ancestors, we will see that it is very different from the way they lived and found love in the past. Adaptations that might have worked for our ancestors may not work well in contemporary society, as Dr. DiDonato explains. Your genes are prepared to have a partner in a different framework than the current one.
dating apps, excessive use of social mediaindividualism, the lifestyle and job insecurity, capitalism, the culture of haste and everything we live in today’s society seems an unfavorable breeding ground for finding a partner and most importantly, make it last. Luckily, the doctor warns that with age, people can adapt to challenges in their relationships and overcome them, so all hope is not lost.
Photos | Jonathan Borba, Leonardo Sanchez and Adam Winger in Unsplash
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