The world of relationships is complicated, I’m not going to discover anything new if I tell you this. Terms like the orbiting in breakups, the love bombing at the beginning of the relationship or the pocketing which we already told you about and which is more common than it seems.
Today we are talking about a rising trend that is the cookie jarringthe need to flirt even when committedwhich is much more toxic than it may seem.
what is the cookie jarring
If we translate it figuratively, the cookie jarring It’s the cookies kept in the cupboard. The spare parts. That is to say, someone does cookie jarring when despite having a partner (he is already eating a cookie) keep flirting and flirting with more people to have some in the bedroom “just in case” (some more cookies are kept in the closet).
There are those who could say that they are in love with falling in love, and those who find a strange pleasure in flirting even when they have a partner, and spoiler: flirting with people when you have a partner is not something that fits in a healthy relationshipunless it is something agreed in advance with your partner.
According to explains the psychologist Patricia Ramirez “There are various factors that lead a person to want to flirt or flirt with another person, whether or not they have a stable partner. Flirting is part of a suggestion or insinuation, whether romantic or sexual. It is a way of attracting the attention of a person that motivates them to carry out an action, be it sexual, friendship or relationship. affective.”
This dynamic is much more toxic than you think within relationships, not only due to the fact that for many flirting and flirting is synonymous with infidelitybut because fooling around to have spare relationships in case the stable relationship you’re in turns out erratically (that by doing these things it most normally doesn’t turn out well), hides many other problems, such as dissatisfaction during the relationship.
For example, if there is a low sexual desire in our relationship, it is likely that this makes us feel insecure, something that according to a study by Ashley MadisonIt happens more often than it seems. In fact, 48% say they feel unwanted when their partners say they don’t feel like having sex and 43% feel unwanted if they haven’t had sex with their respective partners for a long time. This fact “pushes” some couples to flirt to feel desired.
It can also be a lack of commitment, lack of emotional responsibility and can even hide an eremophobia (fear of being alone). The serial monogamousfor example, who go from one relationship to another as if they were Tarzan moving through lianas, suffer this fear to loneliness and in the case of those people who practice cookie jarring it is possible that too.
The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman explains in his book liquid modernity the term liquid love and emphasizes that “contemporary society is oriented towards individualism, where the greatest importance lies in the almost immediate satisfaction of needs, a vision oriented in the here and now, in which relationships stand out with a low level of commitment”, which translates into an increasingly growing inability to generate stable personal bonds.
This type of behavior is not only harmful at the couple level, but also for the people who are in the closet, those who are waiting to be called. And just as we would do with a person we He does not like that we are successful in our work, if we detect what they do to us cookie jarringeither as a couple or as lovers on the bench, it is best to end the relationship and say bye bye.
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