In forty minutes, a reality show from outside Spain has time to show two tests, nominations, expulsion and still leaves time to fully understand the strategies of the contestants. In our country it seems that we need four hours – I repeat: four hours – to show two tests, a fight and people yelling at each other on a set. And all wrapped up in the tedium and slowness of a gala without any rhythm signed by a Telecinco that seems to have lost its way. Let’s see point by point what happened at a gala that wants to be more ‘Sálvame’ than ‘Sálvame’ itself.
The set of screams
There were doubts about the format chosen in extremis for ‘Nightmare in paradise’: a deferred recorded program that would have live galas for which they have mobilized Carlos Sobera and a handful of defenders of the contestants at the last second. The result? A disaster that has lengthened the episode without contributing anything to the format.
The first reality show has felt like an entire pre-recorded episode cut into four or five pieces with space left for gossiping on the plate. No matter how good the recording may be (and it is: the photography is great, for example), if after each video we have to listen to dimes, diretes, retorts and counter-replies for another fifteen minutes, all the momentum, rhythm and narration are lost leaving an inedible concoctionclunky and boring.
The interest that Raquel Lozano arouses on the set #NightmareInParadise#NightmarePremiere pic.twitter.com/Q76NvSd6KR
– Nerea (@NEREAG1982) September 8, 2022
There is a good program in ‘Nightmare in paradise’, but for that Telecinco has to learn to do it. You need to eliminate sets, minutes and minutes of the contestants discovering the house or having light fights, and know what story you want to tell. But of course, for that they would need to have the entire program recorded in advance to be able to script what has happened and put together a story made up of bits of reality. What they would gain in quality they would lose in the galas on Sundays, Tuesdays, ‘Sálvame’, the last hours and the connections from Ana Rosa. The original episode of the show might not have been good, but it’s just that they haven’t even let him try to do it his way.
Little planet, smile again
The presentation of contestants has not been like in other realities: Instead of the typical five-minute chanante video, it has been worth with an off-camera cut that says “I am this person and I dedicate myself to this thing” to be able to move forward. The idea of gaining rhythm is a good one, if it weren’t for the fact that after the program considers it very important that we see sixteen people crossing a river above the trunks, one by one. And after they discover the house, one by one. And to the animals. And the bedroom. And start again.
We were happy and we didn’t know it#NightmarePremiere pic.twitter.com/KT6Qg5eB1z
— 𝗘𝗟 𝗕𝗔𝗥𝗕𝗔𝗦 (@ElMiticoBarbas) September 8, 2022
The group of sixteen contestants is made up of a bunch of gentlemen and ladies they know at home, Pipi Estrada, a bullfighter, Gloria Camila, a second cousin of the king, an Italian gentleman, Omar Sánchez (the ex of Anabel Pantoja) and the singer of Locomía. A whole mausoleum of knowledge, as always, which has begun to clean weeping with Steisy having the world’s most empathetically weird comedown seeing the animals and convincing themselves that they are going to kill them unintentionally. Take sirocco a la ‘Minority report’.
Among the golden moments we have had Gloria Camila affirming that she is animalistic and at the same time bullfighting, a horse running away at a trot, a duck going off to see the world and Steisy stating that the horse itself had spoken to her. If there is potential in this (rural) house of messes, if it were not because on set they have decided to give more importance to the size of Pipi Estrada’s member and Steisy naked in the middle of the farm. Get morbid, that just covers that there is nothing to show.
You love animals but you are in favor of bullfighting. #NightmarePremiere #NightmareInParadise pic.twitter.com/z3zgltnwGg
– Mariiiiiiiiiiiiia (@10Maaria10) September 8, 2022
‘Save me’, rural version
Clearly, someone from management has insisted a lot on them before entering talk about your personal life, because no one opens up like that to a bunch of strangers right off the bat. In less than 24 hours, Omar has made it clear that he has entered as a single (something that has caused the anger of Raquel, his current girlfriend of three weeks, from the set), then he has let a Ouija board that they have played answer if he was unfaithful to Anabel.
Come on, the only thing missing was the snack to turn the program directly into ‘Save me’. And that It would make sense if ‘Save me’ was an audience breakerbut on the same Wednesday ‘Sálvame Sandía’ did not even reach a million viewers. If you insist on reaching an audience that no longer exists, your destiny is absolute insignificance.
#NightmarePremiere collaborators on set waiting to be live. #NightmareInParadise pic.twitter.com/FWL5QZuQvF
— Alexis Romero🌈👨🚀 (@alexisromloz) September 8, 2022
We have also had some new open plot: Israel has fallen into the river several times and, after being rescued by Mónica Hoyos, has told her that how do you notice that he does it for sucking camera. Monica has bounced slightly and Israel has threatened to leave the program for “the vibes” and “When you notice that a person is going from evil to forming chickens, it shows”. Yes it shows, Israel, but not as you think.
Finally, Pipi and Gloria Camila have clashed: first calling each other donkeys (“Between donkeys you understand each other’s balls”; “Here you are the dumbest”) and then when talking about Ana María Aldón, Ortega Cano’s partner, who have a relationship at an impasse. Pipi has asked him, as if they were in an interview, if it is going to be solved, and she has gotten a tremendous anger. Quite rightly so.
Gloria Camila gets angry with Pipi when asked about her history with Ana María Aldon, because we all know that she has been selected for her great career as an actress. #NightmarePremiere pic.twitter.com/3A3C3aCndE
– Miguel Frigenti (@MiguelFrigenti) September 8, 2022
Oh yes, they are also trying force a folder between Omar and Marina, to return Pantoja’s in ‘Survivors’ with Yulen. The interest she has sparked on Twitter has been akin to watching a wall dry out. Justly.
The furious wheel (which was a normal wheel)
Lara Álvarez’s first appearance was to announce that they had already prepared the first elimination test: The furious wheel! I admit that I was a little excited, because it sounded like a sequel to ‘Mad Max’ and I thought that perhaps this time they had a budget for some spectacular tests. None of this: it is a wheel that goes around in front of the contestants, who they have to do different tests depending on the portion of the wheel in front of them from them.
But what about this test? #NightmarePremiere pic.twitter.com/XU2dPk1idG
— Iapuminan (@iapuminan) September 8, 2022
Eat a cake, take out black chickpeas, take some gloves, fill a bottle… Well, some very exciting tests that seem taken from the “Sol Feliz” Children’s Summer Camp in Cuenca. In the end they get over it, only missing some portion, like eating cake. “what a merit”says Lara, as if we haven’t just seen the pantomime.
After three and a half hours, the program deigns to broadcast the foreman applicant test. In the test in question, the teams must all get into a fold, but Pipi cheats and unintentionally undoes a knot, which leads to the elimination of her team and the subsequent row with Alyson (“Who are you, The prosecutor? The judge?” asks Pipi. “I’m the winner,” the girl replies). The winners have been Alyson, Omar, Marina and Steisyand there we leave the thing in case someone has been left wanting more.
Alyson and Steisy hugging after the test, I love it 🏼#NightmareInParadise #NightmarePremiere pic.twitter.com/hPfFNDak1z
— 🇺🇸 (@realitysdetv) September 8, 2022
‘Nightmare in paradise’ says goodbye until Sunday, where promises unpublished images and gossip between Miriam Saavedra and Carlos Lozano, who are not even involved there, but set to turn this into an all-star celebrity, have decided to bet on the biggest. Four hours and we don’t even know who is nominated, not even who is going to be the foreman. If Mediaset does not give the matter a cane, it does not seem that this reality show is going to be the lifeline you are looking for. for now, his first program has been amateur and unpresentable, however good intentions they have in the technical team. And it’s a shame, because there could be something in there if they deigned to do it right.