You start a relationship with someone and something in your head tells you: if you come at the same time, it’s because you were made for each other. Let’s stop here to start denying one of the most common statements that reaches the consultations of sexologists and sexologistsand what is that that Cumming at the same time is the height of pleasure and what a partner should look for. spoilers: it is not.
Cumming at the same time is nice, but so is not cumming, cumming first one and then another, or one cumming three times and another one or none at all. The beautiful thing about sex and relationships is that you are right, that you touch each other, that you look at each other, that you talk to each other, that you love each other and that you enjoy each inch of your skin. Everything else is completely accessory.and the timing of orgasms, too.
How to synchronize orgasms
First of all, the fact that you cum at the same time should not become the goal to be met. In sex the most important thing is always, and I always say without exception, that you have a good time. The destination is not important, but the path to it, so enjoy being with your partner to the fullest without worrying in the slightest, not even about orgasm. Let’s get away once and for all from orgasmic capitalism and let’s focus on enjoying because, even without the final climax, sex is wonderful that nature has given us.
That being said, we are going to try to take the pressure off ourselves, because if we focus on synchronizing we don’t enjoy ourselves, we get frustrated and everything gets complicated, so repeat this mantra: “if it happens, that’s cool, but if it doesn’t, it’ll be cool too”. You don’t have to arrive at the same time with your partner to make it perfect. In fact, you don’t even have to arrive for that night (or day, or early morning, or afternoon…) to be great. We repeat: sex is not synonymous with orgasm but with pleasure.
The sexologist Mamen Jiménez warns us that seeking simultaneous orgasm can be negative, especially if we become obsessed with the concept of reaching at the same time and think that if we don’t arrive, something is wrong with us.
If we want to try, and I say try because you have to be clear that it is something that may not happen and nothing happens because it does, we can say that whether or not to synchronize orgasms could be due to a matter of rhythm. I insist, it may not happen, one may arrive and the other may not, no one may arrive… if we want to test this sex mythLet’s take the pressure off. It is possible that getting to cum at the same time is difficult for us and if it doesn’t happen, it wouldn’t be a problem because again I tell you that what matters in sex is not orgasms but having fun.
Tricks to try to synchronize orgasms
Each person needs time to get aroused and reach orgasm. In fact, that time can be different every day, and to think that our time and that of our partner will always be the same is to believe in a chimera. What we can do is adapt our pace to those times and accelerate and decelerate depending on what we need in every moment. Slow down the rate of penetration, for example, to try to “contain” the orgasm, or touch our clitoris to increase arousal or ask our partner to touch us.
It is much easier if we see our partner, so try sexual positions face to face like the “L”, also called “Sex On The Counter” from which we already talked to you here, They are ideal. We see each other’s faces, and we have our hands free to touch each other all over our bodies.
If it’s hard for us with the most classic sex, try masturbating with the mirror game (name that I just made up) and following our indications of how to masturbate your partner. The game consists of masturbating each other but adapting the rhythm to our own arousal: if I want it to go faster, I play faster. you can even use sex toys like the Sila from LELO or any other for this game.
Let’s talk about sex. At this point in the movie I wouldn’t have to say it but Talking, not just about sex, is vital if we want our relationship to work. Communication is the key to freer sex and if we try to synchronize and don’t tell our partner when we are close to orgasm, it will be even more difficult for it to happen.
Know your body (and your partner’s)It is essential to know if you are close to that climax or not. As we already told you self-examination is essential to have better sexso before thinking about synchronizing anything, get to know that little body that nature has given you to be able to tell your partner what turns you on the most.
And now that we have given you some tricks, I repeat that this synchronizing orgasms should never be a maxim in your partnerbut a nice coincidence that is an accessory in your sexual relations.
Photos | Shoeib Abolhassani, alexander gray, Klara Kulikova and Hendo Wang in Unsplash
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