It seems incredible that with him
large The vast vocabulary that we have in the Spanish language, we use words in English to explain behaviors that occur in relationships, but these have evolved as much as technology and keeping up with them is often difficult.
The orbitingthe ghosting or the denying They are concepts that are sounding more and more every day and that have fully crept into our conversations, just as the term in English that we bring you today will do and that is becoming more and more fashionable: the love bombing. It refers to a “technique” of flirting although it looks more like a big red flag that screams at us, “out”.
what is the love bombing
The love bombingalso called love bombing, has its origins in the 1970s, when it was used as a religious method of persuasionspecifically in the American sect called Unification Church of the United States.
the person who does love bombing what he wants is persuading a potential partner and identifies as a possible part of or as the start of a cycle of abuse or maltreatment. It all starts with gifts, exacerbated love messages, promises for the future and a whole “overdose” of love that overwhelms whoever receives it. So much so that the victims only feel safe within this relationship.
Is an attempt to influence another person with exaggerated displays of attention and affection. Not only with romantic gestures, but also with many conversations in which it seems that you have everything in common. When social networks exist and we communicate and flirt through them, it is much easier to carry out this type of “techniques”, because they allow the effect to be intensified. They provide the abuser with a constant channel of communication with the victim.
those who do love bombing take advantage of vulnerable situations of the victim, even moments of low self-esteem. Dale Archer, a psychologist, says in the PsychologyToday that “the dopamine rush of this newfound love is much more powerful than it would be if the target had a healthy self-image because the love bomber satisfies a need that the target cannot satisfy on its own.”
As psychologist Dale Archer explains, there are three phases in the love bombing: idealization, intermittent affection and discard phase.
Idealization. The abuser makes the victim believe that he is completely in love with her with exaggerated displays of affection. It is possible that this first point many get off the boat because they do not trust “so much love” in such a short time, but it is possible that they get drunk with so much affection and move on to the second phase.
intermittent affect. What used to be natural now begins to crumble and the details are increasingly scarce. The victim is no longer so perfect in the eyes of the abuser and hostile behavior towards her begins. An example: they cause the victim to feel guilty if she makes plans outside the couple.
discard phase. The abuser decides that the relationship ends overnight and disappears like a ghost, leaving the victim with an extreme feeling of insecurity because there is no space or time for communication.
How do I know if they are doing me love bombing (and what to do to avoid it)
In the message during a love bombing there will be many alerts that squeak at us, for example that from the first moment they sell us that we are soul mates. Think about your best friend and analyze how long it took you to find all those bonds with her. Now ask yourself how it is possible that you have just met someone and they already tell you that you are such a person without hardly knowing each other.
The people who practice love bombing they vehemently affirm that the future is yours, making themselves essential in that photo, and they also idealize the image they have of you. They offer you a perfect mirror in which to look at yourself where there are no defects and you will see a precious image of yourself that will greatly raise your self esteem.
If words and actions don’t go hand in hand, there’s your red flag. The main thing is to stop, look and listen. It’s okay to put the brakes on a relationship that is going great if we think it’s going too fast. Just like there’s nothing wrong with questioning statements like “we’re perfect for each other”.
The concept of love bombing It has a lot to do with affective responsibility, rather the lack of it. since whoever practices it lacks it. When we talk about affective responsibility, we do so about the ability to take charge of feelings and the way they are expressed, as well as practicing honesty, transparency, and empathy, as explained in We talk about health.
If we have affective responsibility, we manage to maintain assertive communication and clearly express our intentions. We do not want a relationship in which they love us excessively, but one in which wish us well and healthy.
Photos | How I Met Your Mother
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