You have been talking for a week with that friend with whom you met recently and that you always liked. You know each other, but you’ve always had a partner and that infidelity thing doesn’t go with you, so nothing ever happened even though you know for sure that he’s liked you too for a long time.
you speak A lot. Things start to get intense, not like apocalypsing but rather something sexting. You are going to stay and You know You know something is going to happen between you. You’ve been imagining it for years. He too. And the expectations after so much bawdy talk are even higher.
You stay and end up in bed. And up to here I can read, because The first fuck with someone can go very well, very badly or anywhere in between..
Is it important that the first sexual encounter is perfect?
After having experienced a breakup (Here are some tips to overcome it if you’re going through that moment now) having sex again with a new partner can be like losing virginity for the second time.
In this study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy it is affirmed that having experienced the first time with someone as positive was a predictor of satisfaction and well-being. But as Mamen Jiménez explains to us, “this sex thing is about enjoying, and in it our attitude, our way of dealing with it will make the difference”.
So, Is it important that the first sexual encounter is perfect? I will be concise: no. There are couples that take a while to mate and that doesn’t mean that you don’t work, just that you have to get to know each other better sexually speaking and most importantly: talk about what you like and what you don’t in bed.
Be careful, because in the practical case I am not talking about a one-night stand. I am talking about a relationship that begins and in which at some point (if we are not asexual), we will have a sexual relationship. If the person fits you, you like him, share your same lifestyle and your beliefs, trying again in bed does not have to be a bad thing as long as in that first relationship there has been respect and it simply has not been as you expected. Especially if we take expectations into account in all this.
How to manage expectations in bed
You think her lips will be soft, she’ll use just the right amount of tongue, will know how to masturbate and you will live that first meeting as in one of the best romantic movies. He will take you in his arms, astride you and without stopping kissing you, you will go to bed to have the best sex of your lives. In your head is the meeting of Jack and Rose in titanic but without the ship sinking afterwards. spoilers: it won’t be like that.
Having a concrete and specific idea in your head of how that first “perfect” fuck will happen only has one result and that is that the movie we have put together in our heads does not happen, we are disappointed and it is a meh In all rules.
erotic novelsthe series, the movies with sex scenes… all that we imagine and that on many occasions offer an ideal version of sex, sweetened to the maximum and standardized, it only clouds the experience that you are going to liveSo try to have realistic expectations.
think about the series valerie, on Netflix. The first meeting with Víctor was a bit of a disaster, but the following ones got better because she began to know each other sexually speaking (CO-MU-NI-CA-TION, friend). If you didn’t like something in that first meeting, say so..
And if that person doesn’t listen to what we like and what we don’t and is a tyrant in bed, I’ll tell you something: it’s not there. In fact, not taking into account the sexual needs and tastes of your partner is a red flag that It can indicate that we are facing a misogynistso far.
Managing real expectations in that first sexual encounter is key for us to enjoy. Live that moment, flow and stop thinking about how it will be or stop being. Who knows, you might get a surprise and get to have your first squirt. Or maybe it’s not perfect sex but you laugh like never before. Be that as it may, this is about enjoying and the less we think about it, the more we will enjoy.
Photos | mimi lalaa, George Coletrain, Steven Aguilar and Jonathan Borba in Unsplash
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