When I was 21 years old, I left my first partner. I was not afraid of anything and I continued to live my life like any other girl of that age. Sporadic relationships later I met who was my second partner. We were together for four years, he left me for someone else (although I didn’t find out until later) and I went through one of the most difficult moments of my life. I could only think that she was going to be alone. Completely alone.
I was 26 years old and that irrational fear motivated me and spurred me to Come back with him when at months, their relationship did not work out and he decided to try again with me very much in the style of Piqué. I could only think that my salvation from loneliness was to return to him. I didn’t know it at the time, but it’s more than likely that he was living in my own flesh the eremophobia.
What is eremophobia
Eremophobia or fear of loneliness is a psychological phenomenon in which the subject who suffers from it feels an intense and disproportionate fear of being alone, an irrational and excessive fear of loneliness according to psychologist Maria Prieto.
This disorder should not be confused with the fear of being alone after a breakup. In this case, it is a phobia that manages to control us and prevent us from making the decision to leave him with our partner due to the fear that being alone generates in us, despite being living in a toxic relationshipFor example.
This type of irrational fear seems to contrast with the fact of living in a world so connected through social networks, but it occurs more often than we may think and can come to control many areas of our lives. Social pressure to find a partner and stop being single does not help us learn to be alone and let us see romantic love as the antithesis of loneliness.
How do I know if I have eremophobia?
As the psychologist Mamen Jiménez explained to us, phobias manifest themselves in three planes different, and eremophobia works exactly the same because it is a type of phobia:
- Cognitive: fear, anxiety, anguish, negative thoughts and avoidance or flight.
- Behavioral: we try to flee and avoid the stimulus that fear generates in us.
- And physical with sweating, headache, rapid breathing or difficulty breathing, a feeling of tachycardia and dizziness among other symptoms.
You don’t have eremophobia if you just broke up with your partner and it crosses your mind that you’re going to be single because you’re approaching 40 and the world of dating and Tinder-style hookup apps is not for you. If you’re serial monogamoussplicing a relationship with another like Ted Mosby because you are terrified of being alone, you could suffer from eremophobia but as long as that thought is accompanied by the symptoms that we have described above.
We already told you that there are no established times in this to have a partner againbut If you are making the decision only because of an irrational fear of being alone, to. You have a problem in front of your eyes but we have good news: they have a solution.
How to prevent eremophobia from dominating me
As with any other phobia, the first thing we have to think about is that it is treatable if we put ourselves in the hands of a professional. We could tell you to work the self-esteembut without professional help we will not find the solution if what we are suffering from is a phobia.
The best is go to a psychologist who gives us the tools to overcome it and that our mind understands that when you are with yourself, you are never alone and that loneliness in terms of relationships is not something that should worry us. In fact living in solitude helps you to be a better company. You just need to get over that phobia and you too will figure it out.
Photos | Anthony Tran and Patrick Schneider in Unsplash
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