You may think that we are talking about the film by Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. No. Or yes, because that romantic comedy narrates just that kind of relationship- They’re not a couple, just friends who go to bed. Friends with benefits.
But the reality is that it is not as easy to do as it seems. There’s more to having a friends with benefits relationship than just sex.and if we have it (or want it) and we don’t want to suffer or have a hard time along the way, it’s best that you know a few things before deciding.
What it means to be “friends with benefits”
As explained by the experts of the dating application Ashley Madison42% of women are looking for something casual and without commitment. I think we’ve more or less made it clear that friends with benefits are just that. A casual relationship between two people who regularly have sex together but are not involved in a relationship deeper.
This can happen because they have a brutal sexual connection and nothing else in common, because neither of them is ready or wants a relationship that implies more commitment, or because they don’t have the time (or inclination) to spend it on another person, something essential if We are talking about traditional couple relationships. Or maybe you just got out of a long relationship and are following our tips to get over a breakup and you don’t want to embark on something new now.
One in three Spaniards declares that they have or have had a friend with benefits, according to a survey by the Webstools research institute. Freedom and the absence of rules is what those surveyed value most, and in fact almost half consider that sex with a friend is better or even much better than with a regular partner for 56% of men and 39% Women’s.
The advantages of having a friend with benefits
In such a relationship there is no emotional dependence or commitment. Two people who have a good time together sexually but don’t get involved beyond that. This is good? Well, if you (and the other part of the relationship) are doing well, yes it is. That freedom that this type of relationship gives can be beneficial for both, but it is important that both of you are clear about what you are and what you are looking for in this relationship.
We tend to think that there is only one way to relate as far as couples are concerned, but there are as many as there are people in the world. For someone who is not looking for a commitment, friends with benefits can be the ideal framework as long as, we insist, you both have things clear.
Laura Solé, country manager and director of marketing for the dating app adoptuncle He adds that friends with benefits have one more advantage: “to be able to flirt and get to know other people on a more intimate level, have other sexual partners and not have to give explanations.” You don’t have to explain anything to a friend with benefits, that’s one of his principles.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have downsides. Casual relationships of this style are not those in which you watch a movie under the blanket on a Sunday and then go to bed cuddling. A friend with benefits is not a boyfriend or a partner, he is just a friend you sleep with. He is sex without love. And if you are looking for something more, this type of “partner” is not for you.
What you need to know to make a “friends with benefits” relationship work
The first thing we need to know is that friends with benefits deserve a minimum of effort to make it work. It is not to arrive and already. We have to establish a series of limits so that there are no misunderstandings and above all, to make sure that we are both at the same point.
talk is important
Communication is not only essential in a relationship. Friends with benefits have to talk and dialogue to make everything clear from minute one and thus avoid possible later dramas.
But being honest is more
It’s not just talking that’s important for setting boundaries. It is vital that we are honest with ourselves and with the person in front of us. It’s the only way to make it work, so before you go any further, think about what you want and what you’re looking for in a relationship, whatever it is, so that you can tell him what really interests you in bedand also outside.
That you both agree
Without that happening it is impossible for the relationship of friends with benefits to work. If one wants a stable relationship and the other just to live in the moment, we have a problem. It is important that both of you decide what kind of relationship you are looking for and that, from freedom and following the mantra of sex positivity, you both agree.
You set the limits
While entitlement relationships may seem like free will to you, they’re not really. You will have to reach an agreement before, because you may want to set limits different. For example, maybe my bed partner wants exclusivity but I want to explore sex with others. Or maybe you can make a rule of not hugging after sex or on the contrary, one of hugging each other (without that meaning that you are anything else).
Keep in mind that there is a risk
Mamen Jiménez, a psychologist and sexologist, already explained to us that we can fall in love in bed. You have to talk before it happens about what will happen if it happens to you, to either one. Or maybe it happens to both of you and from friends, move on to something elsewho knows.
Just because it’s just sex doesn’t mean you have to be selfish
Although sex is not associated with a bond or affection with the other person, if you are only interested in your own pleasure, it is best to move on from that “friend”. Sex has to be pleasurable for both of you, not just for yourself. Let’s not be selfish sexual in bed pleaseIt doesn’t matter if we are a couple or not.
Where do I find a friend with benefits
I could tell you that in the library, in a bar (that place that those of generation Z have returned to flirt) or in your ceramics course, but the truth is that If we are looking for sex without commitment, dating applications are the ideal place to find it.
In fact, according to a study carried out by AdoptaUnTío on the type of relationship that men seek, 51.95% seek a lasting relationship and 33.91%, friends with benefits. It is this last fact that interests us.
Even so, as we told you, it is not for everyone. Lady Gaga stated that “If you don’t have sex with someone who really cares for you or loves you, sex without love can ruin your energy.” Whatever you choose, it will only be your decision.
Photos | Sarah Noltner, Toa Heftiba and Womanizer Toys in Unsplash
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